. . . about dads ashes.
After I finally got him cremated and actually it was a really nice day. maybe i'll start there.
I, at first meeting with the mortuary, met one of the employees, and for whatever reason he set me off. After a brief cold meeting, I got up and just left. The shock of being there was bad enough but the hassles with Toni had already begun, and i was looking high and low for ways to get money towards the cremation. I had been sent down 10 different paths and not a one would or could help. I was so frustrated. How was I gonna pay for this, while miss Toni had already done her thing, and was racing back to the trailer to go through things. after a few days I decided to use the rent check I'd brought with me in case of emergency. I had the rest of the money in my account. if i used it i wouldn't have much left. but i threw my hands to the sky and went for it.. I meet the owner of the mortuary, dang i can't remember his name right now. He was so much nicer than the other guy. and I liked him immediately, meanwhile I'd made friends with his other staff a lovely lady. as we sat at this long wooden table in this most magnificent victorian house, I became oddly at home. I forked over the check and my debit card, which he ran and screwed up. so he would have to run it again friday. which i was so concerned he wouldn't cremate dad. he assured me he would and Wednesday would be the day. I asked him if i could go with dad to the crematory, "do people do that"? I had gone to be with my mother. he said sure, and i said great, i will take the last drive with my dad the man that taught me to drive and love it. and i so do love to drive. so, so it was i met the car at the lovely house and dad's remains in a cardboard box. we drove a short distance in the lovely Durango morning, the sky clear, the mountains crisp. early that morn i'd quickly driven out to the trailer to pick up some music of dads but when i got there all the disks were gone and i couldn't find a one.. so i let it go. we drove without many words. arriving at the top of a hill, where the cemetery was and they took the box out. i was afraid they might drop him.. they were very careful and made sure i wasn't tempted to open it. i said a few words to him, rested my head on the box where i knew dads head was. and as though we were holding hands i went to the furnace. looking around it was a warehouse and there were expensive coffins stored there, very basic, but id seen moms and it was the same, i was fine.. I had a plan. with a jolt to my mind i knew what i was to do with dads ashes. I'd been to meet a lawyer with Toni. the discussion went south when she started telling me what I would be doing with the estate.. I had clearly let her have it that day.. I told her who do u think u r, I am not a child, I am a full grown woman and these are my parents. You have some nerve, telling me.. You not once have asked me about anything. I told her I asked them to leave a Will, they didn't care, and she could go fly a kite!" when i had left her i discovered the animus air park and remembered long ago dad teaching flying lessons there, I was the wing girl the entire summer, taking the last flight for my lesson in return for my job, and the man at the time that flew the tow plane all the years ago, had been the flirt of the summer and had seduced me when I was 17 1/2. My first. I felt my dad tell me to find Delvin, and in my new found confidence, felt so free to walk away from that horrible woman. I smiled as i pulled up to the hangers not a half mile away from the lawyers house. I walked over and into the hanger and asked if Delvin was here? a handsome man tall, was sitting on a rolling chair working on the engine of a plane, and announced that would be me.. he looked at me with his steely blue eyes and i knew he didn't know me.. I introduced my self and as i put my hand out to greet him, his arms opened to me, and embraced me. his grief for the sad loss of my dad, for he too was saddened. after a nice brief chat i asked.. would u do me a favor? and he said anything.. Would u take dad and i flying.. and he said what day.. how about friday or saturday.. I'll call you..
so as i watched the brown cardboard box slide into the raging fire, i knew we still had one more place to go together dad and I..the door closed and the attendant asked if i would like to push the button, I did.. and i was back down the hill, to carry forth the deeds of the day..
when i returned to the Hoods, the mortuary, I was informed of some news they had previously announced but couldn't confirm, dad and i were the recipient to a donation, the remaining balance was picked up by an anonymous contributor.. and my eyes filled with tears of joy. $895. it wasn't just the money but that someone cared enough to help..
The following day I picked up the ashes, and was worried it would be icky, i was so funny we were all laughing. he brought me the jewelry dad had on, a wedding ring in gold he had made, now slightly oval, from the accident and a gold chain dad had around his neck. and his watch.. I put the thick gold ring on my left index finger where it remains, the chain was broken, it had another wedding ring on it, I had put that upon my left pinky finger, along with the magic heart ring I'd received from madeline many years before, lovely story on that, one day, to tell.. I fixed the chain and round my neck it lives. heavy chain, feels nice to the touch.
I had confirmed my flight with Delvin, and he called me that eve, lets make it early.
I was up with the sun, the glorious morning sun on the Durango mesa. the crisp air, and dashed over the highway and up the short hill, my coffee in hand a scarf around my neck and dads box of now ashes, heavy. greeted by Delvin, just us on that clear bright morning. so where should we go.. I don't know, you tell me Delvin.. he buckled me into the little 2 seater, showed me the funnel we would use to disperse dads ashes, i listened carefully to his instructions, when i heard daddy say to me This flight is for you my dear, I am already flying. enjoy it, you are safe with Delvin.. as we took off i felt barely a rush, it was so smooth, we flew into the blue morning skies toward the sky-scaping mountains, the snow still embedded in the creases between swells. We soared through the mountaintops, breath takingly beautiful. as everything below was now tiny, and insignificant, the moment was here, and at the top of the top of the mountains, the chicago basin, with a view of purgatory ski mountain i let fly the ashes, and a stream of white ash flew into the sky.. barely a blanket to dust the greatness of the earth below. And quietly we flew back to the airport, landed as though on a pillow. Delvin shared a Gleb story and what he had meant to him, and it was lovely.. And off i was to greet the day.
I had put aside a small bag of the ashes for myself and Toni. later that day went to a thrift store, i knew i was looking for something to put hers into, and that i would know it when i saw it. I looked twice over the shelves, and on my second round found the lovely glass swan., that was it. i filled it with dads ashes and wrapped it in newspaper. Simple. that afternoon meeting Toni at the trailer.. during the visit i mentioned i had something for her.. as we left, she was sure to remind me, oh what is it you were going to give me? I went to my rented car and retrieved the bag, with the paper wrapped swan and handed it to her. from the look on her face whatever it was wasn't what she had expected.. she opened it carefully in the drive of the trailer. as the swan emerged from the paper she was over whelmed. Dads ashes for you to keep with wally. She looked at me and said, do you know about the swan? no what? My father collected them.. I had found what i was looking for, something that unbeknownst to me would move her. if only for a moment.
to conclude, I kept the remaining ashes and brought them back to Durango 10 days later when the children and i drove out.. somewhere during that arduous task, the baggie disappeared, and i am yet to find it!
the spirit lives so much stronger, no physical need remain, but what is in the heart of a soul, to guild me as i listen carefully to the love they share in energy, i embrace.
I too love to write, could use an editor! one of my hobbies and wally was an avid reader of my blog.
love Andrea
