Facebook: FRIEND OR FOE

FACEBOOK: FRIEND OR FOE

It not until now that I could write with a little encouragement from a family friend. It must, for my many readers, been a disappointment I so abuptly stopped writing. I really haven't stopped writing, just not my blog, nor my book. sadly it's been to lawyers and e-mails of the endless nature that this was not in my conciousness.

I decided to change my entire life from on the road to art shows to remaining in los angeles to resculpt my life. I had a plan, and if I haven't mentioned this before one way to get a real giggle out of the other side, and God. ah you ask what was , and I stress WAS, the plan. well a friend said to me You must pick a dead line and make a disission to go on the road or stay.. He choose for me. May 26th.. On may 25th I decided stay. to his dismay. I did the math and the toll on us all, the long journey to the east.

I decided that I have always made money and with the summer months here I could still do a few shows and maintain a roof over heads and food on table with my limited resources and conservative spending I would find another way to do what I was doing. Promote my website, bring in moneys this way and look for other possibilities..

As it would turn out before my children were even out of school, I had already pick up a little job driving a friends kids to school also. not alot of money but the wheels were turning! literally and figutively. and I loved it.. the girls are the daughters of a working actor who was a friend of my mothers.. I discribe him, Hakiem, as His feet don't touch the ground. don't ask me, just every time I saw him I could feel his goodness and he has such grace. absolutlely beauitful.

On june 10th I had been at the hair solon finishing a task of going blond rather than battle the gray with my life long dark locks. It was a huge change.. I had received some calls I ignored but upon arriving home again in the afternoon about 1 hour before I would go on my child pick up run, I checked my emails, as I always do. and then got one from a friend through face book. so I checked it out, The message said " Andrea so sorry about Gleb and Wally." I immediately went to FB to see the message there. It wasn't there and I was so confused, if you remember, in the fall I may have writen about my trip to Durango, where Wally, my step mother had decided she didn't want us to come and I was so hurt. even though she had her reasons of which her verson seemed lame. I hadn't seen her or my dad in 10 years. and there was my opportunity or may be never. I was distraught, and my dad had called and was horid. well just a reminder, find it in my past writings.. it's certainly there. Well my first thought was of that and really I wasn't dwelling on that so why on earth would my friend Kim be writing about that now.. I was completely over it. Had had another conversation with a fellow photographer, peer of my fathers, who lives here intown, and he had said to me everything is about perspective.. let's keep that in mind.. as he explained it, as though he'd known my every move. which I don't believe he did. He opened my mind up to this and I felt free. That conversation took place may 27th. Interestingly enough my decision to stay had already taken hold to CHANGE. with that informitive conversation, I took in deeply I had written an e-mail to my step mother. btw my other mother for 40 years. and every reason I write.

here is the email i wrote:

just was thinking of u and looked at the photos i posted to some art photo gallery on line. just putting some photos there, not all my best but thought id try.. have many others in various catagories. here's the link: http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/andrea-derujinsky.html?tab=artwork

Hope all is well with you, and daddy..

and I am sorry i upset you, months back, i meant well, if that counts!

love you always and daddy..

xoxoxoxox
andrea and crew

I had caught her looking at my photos on fine art america, on the statics page, and since i hadn't heard a word from my obstinate parents, always through wally's emails i felt it was time. I want to thank Mel S. for that.

So back to facebook friend or foe! I looked at my phone messages and realized it was Kim that had been calling me, so returned her call to ask what was up.. She answered and said she was at work and would call me later. on facebook again I recieved an instant message live from krista, kims sister whom I hardly know at all. The dialogue was this:

Hi Andrea are you doing ok?? Sis and I are sorry for you.

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
hi

June 10 Krista W
how are you?

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
what was the message u guys wrote that toni replied to?
im ok
life been really hard

June 10 Krista W
I think you should call Toni...We dont feel right

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
did she say something inappropreiate
im so lost

June 10 Krista Walden
no honey....

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
i wrote a private note i think a while back to kim

June 10 Krista Walden
If I say please don't hate me

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
and then i got these messages from u 2 today
no not at all im just in the dark

what happened im laughing really

June 10 Krista W
I'm shakking right now and in tears

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
oh no what
please it's not that bad

June 10 Krista W
your dady and wally

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
what
are they ok

June 10 Krista W
no honey

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
qhat
what what
call me
954-XXX-XXXX

June 10 Krista W
I dont have your num

June 10 Andrea Derujinsky
954-XXXXXXX
954-XXX-XXXX
happen
what

June 10 Krista W
i'm calling

At this point my hands were shaking, and the phone rang and I answered.. Krista what happened? She could hardly speak, and she explained Daddy and Wally were in a car accident, my first response are they OK? No honey they are not. Are they in a hospital? no honey they are not.. What, What! where are they? What happened, what happened! I was standing in my living room fortunately my children were at school.. Oh god what happened? she was in tears now.. tell me! They died, krista tried to not say. OH god NO! NO! no,no no, no ....no,no,no no.... NO! no, please NO! I was on the floor.. and as I write this could go right back to the floor. They died? how did you find this out? It was in the Durango herald, front page. I with all my might went to the computer and found the article and photo of my parents car.. oh my god there was nothing left of the passenger side, and my mother Wally was driving, so that meant dad was completely crushed.. It was unbearable.. I looked at the clock and had to leave to pick up the kids, first Hakiems daughter Shada, the little one then down to wilshire and highland for Madeline and Ayisha and then back to pick up Andres, the traffic was the worst ever. I had no idea what was going on .. all I knew was I wanted to get back home.. I made a quick call to Mel on my way to pick up Shada, he needed to hear this from me. and he would get the word out to those others that needed to know. So you understand, Mel is one of the photographers of my fathers time, just a little there after, and my father Gleb Derujinsky was one of the renowned photographers for Harper's bazaar for 18 years. I had had a meeting with Mel to share stories and I wanted his opinion on my photos, which since good ol gleb wasn't communicating I thought Mel could give some guidance. Who knew this would turn out this way.. And so goes it for plans on an earthly plain, as God has yet another.

My broken heart, I put away to make flight arrangements but not until I called Toni, Wally's sister, who asked Kim W to take down from facebook as I hadn't been informed yet. oddly enough the woman had my information and could have reached me when she found out the night before, as a FB friend also, but she choose not to. I asked her what her plans were and she had already booked a flight. I failed to ask when and said I'd call her back. I got right on it and logged into cheep tickets found a flight for a ridiculously low fair to Durango, usually $800-$900.. was on special for $495.. I heard my mother say from the other side, book it.. and without hesitation pressed the keys for my flight. I would be leaving L.A at 9 am arriving 4:42 pm in Durango the 11 th of june. I called miss Toni back and asked when she would be getting to Durango. she replied about 5:30pm I said "well I'll see u there, when u arrive." I called Kim back and asked if she knew someone who could pick me up from the airport, and she made some calls, of all things a good friend of hers, Lisa F would volunteer to pick me up and then without a thought offered me a place to stay. a complete stranger. I was open as was she. I asked my good friend Bill to stay with the children, he would, and off I was to Durango.. Trying to reach my unreachable sister was a task, but I kept thinking about her the whole time, and oddly enough between flights while in Denver at a bar with a beer and the entire container of cocktail napkins the phone rang an it was Eugenia.. I took a deep breath and told her where I was and why. As this would be an awful blow for her naturally too.

I of course brought my camera and took some great aerial photos of the mountains as we flew into Durango later to post. The entire trip was surreal, and Toni prevailed to be a nightmare, her only objective to get what she came for, whatever that might have been. While I was scavenging money to cremate my father she was going through the household items. I never expected it.. there was one day though where I was floundering the day before Wally's memorial, separate from dads, for what reason I will never understand, when Toni called and said come to the straitter hotel. we can talk.. I cried a little. and I felt her pain, as she did mine, but that would be short lived.

To say less with more it has been an arduous task of sorting out the many details of 2 loved ones lives and what was left behind, with no Will to guild us.. Just 2 people with 2 different perspectives which seemingly do not match up. In the end I believe all will work out as does everything in time. It is what is destined to be, of which none of us ever know.. which is why making plans is only a guild line to where we are headed and flexibility is a requirement.

Four days after Daddy and Wally died I received a message from my father, as I was pondering his vast career in photography and the legacy of his work, what the purpose in it all was. what is the point. and on top of it, he had never received the recognition for his vast body of work.. so what was the point in his legacy. How could I be a part of preserving it.. all these concerns running through my mind.. He said clearly to me as I sat in the car, his broken body in an ice box at the mortuary, My dear Andrea, "The only legacy we take with us to the other side is how you are with other people. nothing else comes with you."

And so with that I am going with the flow, more determined to be the best I can be, with what I have to work with.. and to say the least a many great friends I have had the pleasure of knowing and the support of those same, in my time of need and the strength they give to me. To the many I have to thank may I name a few.

Barbara who took my call and helped with the cremation of my dad, and a true support, in her giving, not of funds but of love she didn't choose, any more than Wally wanted to be a mother! and became one despite. I love you.

to Mel for his timely vision about perspective. giving me the opportunity to say what needed to be said to Wally before they died. amen to that.

To my new forged friendships, Lisa F for becoming my long lost friend, whom I will love my life long, and the beer at the end of those days, the sunsetting on the mesa and we swapping the days journey, and a smoke, in the cool evening air, and the clouds in the sunset sky, my father loved to shoot. what a wonder. wait till u all see!

To Kim who had the misfortune of having to tell, but couldn't and Krista for being the bearer of the worst news a person could have to tell.

I actually wrote a letter to the editor of the Durango Herald which they wouldn't publish as a thank u note as it was too long, I will post it after this. and share with all my gratitude for all those who embraced my broken heart of which is not near mended. but I carry on with grace and strength, and am continuing to take photos and am now printing one 30 x 30 and have a customer! woopee! and I will resume writing, as I use the gifts I was intended to.

It is may greatest wish that if one who reads this finds some solace in their own lives, that we are on a path, and all will be fine. And to take a deep breath as I have been reminded by one of Wallis friends Marilyn, thank u, I needed that, so when you loose one mother another steps in! sometimes many to help.. I am grateful, thankful and prepared to move ahead, confident. and assured by the love of others while sharing that with my crew. needed and wanted. may I be better than my best.

Andrea Derujinsky and Crew

Dear Durango...

Dear Durango,

I have been so consumed with the responsibilities that go with the loss of a parent, much less two, that it is not till now i could write.

I most wanted to share my gratitude towards each and every person i met, both new and old friendships forged and reforged. It is an honor to be the daughter of both Wallis and daddy (Gleb). and as with my mothers passing 18 months ago, my greatest inheritance was her friends, of which is a huge responsibly. one can inherit this but one can not keep it, without cultivation. I pray i can do so on behalf of my parents, and continue to make them proud, as so many told me, that they were.

I want to start by thanking so many for their kind words, some of which were perfect strangers, from out side the court house the girl from denny's to Jan, and mary, in the court house that handed me a box of tissues every time they saw me, and lent me there ear, and shoulder. to the girl at the police station, and a nice woman that told me it was ok to cry, to carol in the coranors office, an extraordinary woman. My thanks to robin from state farm and denise, they have been so compassionate i can only learn from the best of heart. To Hood mortuary, may i say Tom got the brunt of my dismay, and handled it well, and ryan stepped in and was extraordinary, sue, kathy, and anne, thank you so much.. you will never know how glad i was to have your support, and only you know how hard this was for me, in so many ways. To the anonymous contributor who made it possible to finalize arrangements for my father, no blessing greater. There, in my opinion, is no such thing as closure, but steps that take us forward, and i was at a stand still. I took my last drive with my dad, the man who "taught" me how to drive, and the following day, up early, as everyday, went on the last earthly flight with my dad thanks to Delvin. Without a thought he granted my every wish. and gave me a lovely ride to the tip top of Needles mountains near the chicago basin, where my fathers ashes lie between the highest peeks, where he belongs, at the top!!

To Janet at for the birds for arranging and gathering together Wally's friends, to one of the last places wally so enjoyed and found herself as an individual, opposed to being Gleb's wife. a woman of great intellect, which she was able to share with you all, then and forever. thank you for coming. and to wally's first boss there, who sold the store with wally as one of it's assets, nothing could be more true.

Let me express my deep gratitude to Open shutter, Margy, brendon, and so many others, who came to share their stories of both gleb and wally. Ken for attending both services, wally's memorial and the celebration at open shutter saturday, and bringing the bike patent!! and for the opportunity to share, on behalf of my father the stories i grew up with about the photographs he took of my mother and carmen!

to the girl at frontier counter who extended my trip with no extra cost, and budget for renting me a car within budget!

to Art and lucy for your help and support, and jonie for the beautiful top and jacket i wore to wally's service, and the beer on her deck.

lastly to kimberly who had the misfortune of reading about daddy and wally's accident, and being the one to first inform me, and her sister krista for her call, and worse of all having to tell me, and feel my pain, first hand. To Lisa, kimberly's friend who offered to not only pick me, a perfect stranger at the airport, but opened up her home to me, for the entire duration of my trip, for the dinners i didn't have to decide upon, to the wise advice, and insight, as well as the joy of a sunset, with a beer over looking the farm field and the la platas to the north. I can not express thanks as it is too little a word to express the content of my feelings.

Thank you to the durango herald for writing such great stories about my dad, Gleb Derujinsky, i'd love a copy of each of them, please. I am in need of returning to during to finish up what needs be. I am looking for a house sitting opportunity, for 2-4 weeks if any one hears of such a place please contact me.

most sincerely,

Andrea derujinsky