well readers, what is going on.... well there are so many potholes.. it's like crossing the George Washing Bridge, just before u hit it, going north from New Jersey.. the blind know where they are!! well .. i've suddenly discovered i'm driving over the cross bronx expressway.... nothing but potholes, huge trucks, on narrow lanes.. as i try and remember which exit to take, to go over the Throgs neck bridge, after spending $30. to cross the GW and $8. at least to get over the Throgsneck, to the island.. so that once on the LIE their'd be bumper to bumper traffic.. till exit 36 before it might be smooth cruising .. . at the moment i'm in Los Angeles, a long way from exit 36.. if u will..
and yet .. it is thanksgiving.. and i am ever so grateful.. to so many .. all beyond my wildest dreams. i would so much like to mention everyone who has contributed to my positive mental attitude, but if i did.. like the oscars list, certainly someone would be left out.. and that would never do.. let me say though, my many secretive readers.. how much love i return, need i ever know..to whom exactly..
It has been a tough year, 2moro, the one year of my mothers passing.. i should really mention that.. the many guests coming by far more than i expected.. oh my..!! and maybe a mystery guest or 2.. i hope..
The way i look at it.. shortly i will be there.. smooth sailing.. to the Hamptons and beyond.. preferably Bequia.. and beyond.. worlds end reef or something.. nothing like real life!! hahahaha..
i couldn't finish this last night, an over whelming tired came over me.. as though i was on east coast time.. 11pm feeling much more like 1am.. i drifted into a slumber in my california king.. forgetting my worries so great..the IRS, the repo on the former motor home the endless calls form bill collectors as i try to figure out what the fuck to do.. stay in L.A, go back to florida..
I feel i'd be cutting myself short either way.. some how lacking faith, this is where i am supposed to be.. or is it..
And as for today.. i wrote a friend.. a year ago.. the sunlight much brighter, i remember going to the closet, behind my chair i'm perched in now.. my legs crossed, as i gaze out my window.. the sun peeking out between clouds, today, my moms voice in my head, asking me to pick out cloths, as she readied herself for her final journey, here on earth, a warm thought, on this chilly morn..
Preparing mentally for the enormous crowd expected.. her huge followers about to descend upon the apt known as Roots Place, now how could i give this up.. The onions, and garlic to chop, the cans of tomatoes to puree, the spices to add, and let simmer with love on the stove as i finish straightening up.. and deciding ... WHAT TO WEAR!!!
I just wrote to one of the hospice nurses with whom i've been in contact with the year long, as i remember her tender touch, as she washed my mom, one afternoon, clearly in my minds eye.. In that moment, a year or more now ago, i so wanted to get up and help, but by some force unbeknownst to me, I was paralyzed, dumb founded as Argin, washed my mother from foot to head.. as the sun shown in, like a beam of light upon both their skins.. one of the most extraordinary sights i've ever witnessed.. and will a life time remember deeply, touched still in the memory.. bless Argin and all the nurses that shared this time, a year now behind me..
Oh gotta run, get the candles out, and do some dusting, My smile big.. as i ready myself for this great day.. And the blessings, we receive, grateful, on this thanksgiving, for my friends.. far and near.. i embrace u all, as i feel ur embrace..the warmth of your love.. hugs and kisses..
Yours truly
andrea and crew..
SEE U TONIGHT!!!
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