as the world turns

I embark again, down the road of uncertainty, as do we all, wondering if we are making right choices, who knows really, as i gaze out side my window, the streets completely dry, after a full days rain.

i should start again, with i was up at 4 am.. yes u read that right.. and off in 20 min. i'm down the stairs with my first of three trips down the 2 flights of stairs, i dread!! but i'm there..

i go to move the van so that next trip i can access the the side slide door, and of all things, it won't start.. is that too much... in the dark of the pre dawn threw my hands in the air and so be it.. this can not be happening and there is absolutely nothing i can do, at this hour..

i resided to that, returned to the apt, my room, and tucked in fully dressed, bra and all.. i slowly in the incredible chill of the morn, kept getting up to remove one uncomfortable garment after the other.. till i was finaly comfortable.. if i could shut my mind off. i did, and slept till nearly 10am, woke like i'd been catapulted into reality, oh god Bill is coming, and my day began, to what totally through me,
R-A-I-N oh no.. and the van didn't start this morn.. oh if god doen't love me.. i could have been standing out in the rain for no money.. and been cold all day, with this wicked cold i have, for nothing.. oh thank you god, and the universe that the car didn't start this morn..

gave me time to attend some personal matters, which i will likely be less popular, how could anyone be less popular than being disowned by one's own parents, maybe not.. tonight i was reminded of how little i say, when i've been hurt, I really see no point in getting all pissed off, it isn't a very nice result of being hurt. and it gets u absolutely nothing u want. I just assume put it out there, say what's mostly on my mind, which is funny because that's probably my failure in communication, the thoughts omitted... i know that seems odd for one as open as i seem to be, but the key words here is "seems to be".. the fear of saying something that i might regret, keeps me reserved. I kinda wish i could just blurt out things, like the day i fired Madeline, fortunately she did resume working for me!! but having had that experience, not go too well, i take care in saying whatever is on my mind, and often have thought long and hard before tackling anything of true importance. that being said i do hope to have not lost my popularity, but on the other hand, oh well....

for instance it was 2 months in deciding what to do with my, now former room mates, as lovely as they were it was becoming too much, they had too many issues, which spilled over into our lives, and i just felt it was not healthy for any of us.. so they are off to their adventure in life, and we ours, as i rent the room.. Thanks mom, what a heritage, and my grandmother Augusta, bless them them both.. and i truly can not believe i'm doing the same.. this is nuts.. but it is what it is, and i need the money..

First interview was with a lebanese woman, she was pleasant, nice looking woman, with a spiritual out look on things.. that was nice, she works at home, so i'm not too sure about that, and she wants month to month, that works for me, with a 10 day notice, we can call the whole thing off, i also stipulated that the deposit is refunded minus $100. for cleaning.. i do not clean for free, as i just did today..

interview #2 just great, fab girl, studying production, for film.. lots of energy, both madeline and i liked her a lot, now i sit like a girl with the phone waiting for it to ring, and i thought those days were over. dam as a single girl, guess that's not gonna happen.. not that technically i'm waiting for the phone to ring. it rings all day long, with one collection agency after another, as i pick it up in hopes it's someone i would want to here from.. and i hit the Ignore button once more!!

This became a different kind of work day.. rent the room day, lets just see what pans out..

and the world keeps turning.. my focus strong, and good, my attitude fluctuates from ecstatic to confused on a personal level, work wise, things seem to be coming my way in droves, just waiting for the money to follow..

and the song goes .. any day now

so be well dear readers, I am hopeful things are turning around, as does the earth.. one day at a time...

andrea and crew