The process of letting go.. invaluable and should be applied to all aspects of one's life. i believe it is inevitable then to bring not only one's soulmate, but the work we r intended to do, the income we so desire, and the love we can then be able to share with everyone around us. I saw in front of me a giant bubble, with a glowing light, around the edge, like that of the sun, in it i put all those thoughts and feelings, that were a disappointment, or unsatisfying, or hurtful, placed them there, i saw my hands raise, to cup this bubble, and raised it up, gave it to the universe.. I am free to move on to bigger and better things.. without this weight..
so true about neediness.. it sends out an energy, when i left my husband i truly felt, i don't care if i meet another person, and of all things, that's all i've done, is meet plenty of men. none of which i feel are my soulmate for life, in the sense being mentioned, although relationships i expect will last a life time, but with each relationship, an opportunity to grow, and know myself better, and continue to embrace, the me i love.. I also am applying this to my uncertain future, of my work, as this time of transformation takes hold also, and accept that change is the only constant, not necessarily what i've been doing, but rather how i do it, differently. And to stop panicking over the change but rather to release, so to let the new in!!! Amen
I write a blog, and had no idea what i was going to write today.. I think this says it all, on my journey.. my goal is not what one expects, i believe that it is the process, rather than one end goal, that we need to appreciate.
which is why once again, i am glad for today, as well as yesterday, and tomorrow, all the joys, sorrows, happiness, profits and losses.. all mine to relish in..and share with those that i love and love me.. Thank you for the endless inspiration.. my inner sun shines, may i share it, get your sunglasses on!! I feel bright, cheery and happy, i wish the same for all of you..
for my readers this was inspired by The soulmate summit which was sent to me, and a friend also, Carol, called out of the blue for me to tune into.. i never see things as they are intended, and as i am not seeking this aspect, presently..Though open to what comes to my life as it arrives, thought of the lessons they are speaking of, in a much vaster aspect of life.. more inclusive than that of wishing for that perfect someone to come into ones life, as though any one person could make you whole.. but to apply it to my relationships, friendships, children, work.. and hopefully be able to have a better grasp on all those aspects which make us whole!! all the facets, like a cut stone, more brilliant, because of the many surfaces, of each facet.
let the sun shine in..
Andrea
and my Crew
http://www.soulmatesummit.net/event/
Saturday, 19 February 2011
Saturday, 12 February 2011
VALENTINE (Wear ur heart on ur sleeve if 4 2day only!!)
Funny enough this has been quite the topic, on the radio, as i drive the crew to school. 107.2, each morn to the voice of Ryan Seacrest, and his co anchor and what to do for one's valentine. I can only gather, Ryan has a sweet heart, and how to most impress her on this day when all the Men struggle with the plight of what to do.. or to do nothing at all.. Theres the argument that this was just invented to sell chocolates, cards, and jewelry.. Maybe so.. but here it is.
Should you be the guy who chooses to do nothing, look out.. it is likely even if we realize you fervently against the commercialism of the whole ordeal, You will likely find, a chill in the air, or in the bed room!! at the dinner table, the ride to work will seem like an eternity!!! so funny.. now of course for those that give into this commercialized, holiday dreamed up by advertisers, which by the way i do not think it was, just capitalized by those same mentioned.. you have a challenge on your hands.. what on earth hasn't been done.. how can one be original, and tell that one special girl she's the one.. or if you really like someone, but don't want to go to over board and lead her astray.. but still want to say, i'm interested.. or how about "your the best friend i have", without sending the message, i love u forever..or i love u, even if not forever!! think of all the scenarios you fellas have, glad i'm not you!!!
how about the other side, the should we girls do anything.. we all over think.. but should we choose to get a card, a box of chocolates, for that special someone, will it be to much, will he run for the hills, will he feel bad when he did nothing at all, will i be sorry i bothered, will i tell myself, who gives a shit, it was from my heart.. if i'm creative, will it be received as such, with out him over thinking.. gees, the pressure put upon us when it is just an opportune time to express love, as though everyday weren't enough.
Oddly enough we over think, even everyday, when we've paid too much attention to that someone, opps i'm i going too far, not far enough, or am i so distracted i can't get anything else done..but to over analyze what we've said, or done, or not done.. good god, give it a break..
on the other hand, i had the joy of watching the crew, go for it, in their innocence, without the over thinking, the plain joy of giving it a whirl, without fear, as they haven't had to deal with all that.. so nice..
Maddie wrote a killer poem, and gave it to the object of her affections, as it turned out, while he received his brilliant poem, it was noticed by his teacher, and for whatever reason, made him read the note being passed around, or what appeared to be that, out loud.. to the entire class, which she wasn't in at the time.. oh boy, just great. It takes complete innocence or courage, to do such a thing, and she, being the most out spoken person i know, outside of my mother, had it in her to express herself, with out hesitation. I admire that.. too bad we grow up.. in some ways.. she was inspired by that feeling of love.. gave it her all, and in return he was probably passing it around, with a laugh and a giggle, to end up writing a nice, well worded note, appreciating her effort, and a friendship that he'd hope to retain without anything more.. so be it, now she can move on, as lets face it, it's either there or it's not.. and we have all been on either side of that coin!!
sometimes it is there, but can not move any further, just because of circumstances, beyond our control. and eventually graduate, to the understanding something wonderful has come into our lives to awaken a place in our hearts we thought we were not going to go.. that caldron of love potions, that stirs, when one is completely off guard, to discover, it is within us to love again.. and that it is possible, knowing this fact, that who knows the "one" is around the corner, and that any moment, we could be taken in that direction.. once again. oh why do we do this?
And then there was Andres' object of affection, the most we can learn, as god gave me this little man to do just that, learn, and i am, with as equal confusion the man's brain.. There is this very pretty, strong, opinionated girl who's given him some of her attentions, so in turn spent the week, Andres that is, working on the perfect card and words to write in it, to bestow upon her this last friday, so she would know who her valentine was, for the weekend.. and on monday be his!! It was a team effort, i helped by taping the hearts he'd cut out and colored to the card, and on thursday, Cassie helped him to write the perfect message inside, as he'd deliberated on what to say to his "Truly",(Chitty, chitty bang bang) and presented it in class, early morn to a wonderful reception!! and a necklace,with a heart!, of which was my mom's, that i'd given to Cassie, and now Cassie to Andres to his Valentine.. Oh so sweet!! and on the drive back from school told me of his wonderful experience, and how he should change his after school program, so as to be with her more.. oh dear.. Not going to happen, but just goes to show where this all begins, and it's control over us, love that is, not the love of parent, child, friendship, but that of romance.. more hope on the horizon!!
At some point, and i don't want to dismiss that love of child, parent, or friendship, because all those love scenarios are, or can be such a catalyst to how we love.. what we expect of our love lives all stems from that.. and the opinions of those same people who have taught of love itself.. and of course how we love ourselves.. I personally, like the rest of us, am by far the last to understand this confusing state of mind that does so truly rule our minds through our hearts..
my only wish is that we love, fully, without fear. Just do it.. we will all survive a broken heart, but we will certainly never survive with out LOVE itself, the romantic kind, being the most influential, as we pass through this life.. plenty of those will live perfectly content lives having nothing to do with it, but.. i think, it is a whole experience, for which we all should have a stab at once, twice, or a dozen times.. if we should be so blessed.
so to all those out there contemplating what to do this valentine's make it come from your heart, let it be known it is ok to love, now or forever.. which ever it is, it is.. and be glad for it if even for the moment.. no time wasted in the what if's.. Tomorrow again is not promised, we all may think that science makes the world actually turn, it doesn't, it is love.. and if we didn't i'm sure the gravitational pull of the moon wouldn't have a chance, and all would be still, stagnate, no seasons, to grow the crops, the sun would burn half the earth while the other side would just freeze.. now that's global warming, at it's worst, or best the warming of ones heart, to Dream.. As the world dose turn....
And lastly, for those who receive a valentine, be glad someone had the courage to show the way, and for those that don't, worry not, it's just one day, there are 364 other days to come!!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S READERS, AND DREAMERS,
AND CREW my endless inspiration...
andrea
Should you be the guy who chooses to do nothing, look out.. it is likely even if we realize you fervently against the commercialism of the whole ordeal, You will likely find, a chill in the air, or in the bed room!! at the dinner table, the ride to work will seem like an eternity!!! so funny.. now of course for those that give into this commercialized, holiday dreamed up by advertisers, which by the way i do not think it was, just capitalized by those same mentioned.. you have a challenge on your hands.. what on earth hasn't been done.. how can one be original, and tell that one special girl she's the one.. or if you really like someone, but don't want to go to over board and lead her astray.. but still want to say, i'm interested.. or how about "your the best friend i have", without sending the message, i love u forever..or i love u, even if not forever!! think of all the scenarios you fellas have, glad i'm not you!!!
how about the other side, the should we girls do anything.. we all over think.. but should we choose to get a card, a box of chocolates, for that special someone, will it be to much, will he run for the hills, will he feel bad when he did nothing at all, will i be sorry i bothered, will i tell myself, who gives a shit, it was from my heart.. if i'm creative, will it be received as such, with out him over thinking.. gees, the pressure put upon us when it is just an opportune time to express love, as though everyday weren't enough.
Oddly enough we over think, even everyday, when we've paid too much attention to that someone, opps i'm i going too far, not far enough, or am i so distracted i can't get anything else done..but to over analyze what we've said, or done, or not done.. good god, give it a break..
on the other hand, i had the joy of watching the crew, go for it, in their innocence, without the over thinking, the plain joy of giving it a whirl, without fear, as they haven't had to deal with all that.. so nice..
Maddie wrote a killer poem, and gave it to the object of her affections, as it turned out, while he received his brilliant poem, it was noticed by his teacher, and for whatever reason, made him read the note being passed around, or what appeared to be that, out loud.. to the entire class, which she wasn't in at the time.. oh boy, just great. It takes complete innocence or courage, to do such a thing, and she, being the most out spoken person i know, outside of my mother, had it in her to express herself, with out hesitation. I admire that.. too bad we grow up.. in some ways.. she was inspired by that feeling of love.. gave it her all, and in return he was probably passing it around, with a laugh and a giggle, to end up writing a nice, well worded note, appreciating her effort, and a friendship that he'd hope to retain without anything more.. so be it, now she can move on, as lets face it, it's either there or it's not.. and we have all been on either side of that coin!!
sometimes it is there, but can not move any further, just because of circumstances, beyond our control. and eventually graduate, to the understanding something wonderful has come into our lives to awaken a place in our hearts we thought we were not going to go.. that caldron of love potions, that stirs, when one is completely off guard, to discover, it is within us to love again.. and that it is possible, knowing this fact, that who knows the "one" is around the corner, and that any moment, we could be taken in that direction.. once again. oh why do we do this?
And then there was Andres' object of affection, the most we can learn, as god gave me this little man to do just that, learn, and i am, with as equal confusion the man's brain.. There is this very pretty, strong, opinionated girl who's given him some of her attentions, so in turn spent the week, Andres that is, working on the perfect card and words to write in it, to bestow upon her this last friday, so she would know who her valentine was, for the weekend.. and on monday be his!! It was a team effort, i helped by taping the hearts he'd cut out and colored to the card, and on thursday, Cassie helped him to write the perfect message inside, as he'd deliberated on what to say to his "Truly",(Chitty, chitty bang bang) and presented it in class, early morn to a wonderful reception!! and a necklace,with a heart!, of which was my mom's, that i'd given to Cassie, and now Cassie to Andres to his Valentine.. Oh so sweet!! and on the drive back from school told me of his wonderful experience, and how he should change his after school program, so as to be with her more.. oh dear.. Not going to happen, but just goes to show where this all begins, and it's control over us, love that is, not the love of parent, child, friendship, but that of romance.. more hope on the horizon!!
At some point, and i don't want to dismiss that love of child, parent, or friendship, because all those love scenarios are, or can be such a catalyst to how we love.. what we expect of our love lives all stems from that.. and the opinions of those same people who have taught of love itself.. and of course how we love ourselves.. I personally, like the rest of us, am by far the last to understand this confusing state of mind that does so truly rule our minds through our hearts..
my only wish is that we love, fully, without fear. Just do it.. we will all survive a broken heart, but we will certainly never survive with out LOVE itself, the romantic kind, being the most influential, as we pass through this life.. plenty of those will live perfectly content lives having nothing to do with it, but.. i think, it is a whole experience, for which we all should have a stab at once, twice, or a dozen times.. if we should be so blessed.
so to all those out there contemplating what to do this valentine's make it come from your heart, let it be known it is ok to love, now or forever.. which ever it is, it is.. and be glad for it if even for the moment.. no time wasted in the what if's.. Tomorrow again is not promised, we all may think that science makes the world actually turn, it doesn't, it is love.. and if we didn't i'm sure the gravitational pull of the moon wouldn't have a chance, and all would be still, stagnate, no seasons, to grow the crops, the sun would burn half the earth while the other side would just freeze.. now that's global warming, at it's worst, or best the warming of ones heart, to Dream.. As the world dose turn....
And lastly, for those who receive a valentine, be glad someone had the courage to show the way, and for those that don't, worry not, it's just one day, there are 364 other days to come!!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S READERS, AND DREAMERS,
AND CREW my endless inspiration...
andrea
Friday, 4 February 2011
Monday - Friday
Yep That's how the week slipped by...
MONDAY: Rent the Room continued, placed a new add on craigs list.. the prior interviews, the spiritalist, and the producer, found other suitable refuge, i can only imagine, for what is was they were seeking..
monday night i got a call from Merna, the woman in charge of the parking lot, where my coach has been parked, last year and since i returned from my art tour, of this past summer, "the lot is being shut down by the city of L.A. and i must move it immediately", like now.. oh great. it's 7pm dark, i haven't any one to watch the kids, and my van battery is dead, so i can't go there and hook up and move it by myself. BILL, i called, i have an emergency!! and he was by in a flash, off i went to move the MH, i had kept my eyes open for a place to park if anything were to happen like this so i knew where i was going to move it, right by andres school, convenient, safe, and would buy me 12 hours. and likely a ticket.( $68.) 24 hour parking in hollywood, L.A area is nearly impossible to find, it took me the last time 30 days to find the spot i had.
Tuesday: FIND A SPOT TO PARK THE MH. drove the crew to school and started my hunt, I looked at every lot, i had been by last year and called every number on every sign that had potential, and by days end, i found a Sam, and a parking place, in a better place, for less, not much less, but less none the same.. I had never prayed so much, i so didn't want to lose more than a day on this with my week a full schedule, was even spoken to by the angels, as one woman i called told me to ask the angels, to guild me and find the spot, not less than a few hours later, i would drive down a street i hadn't before, at the corner, look up, and read: Prop house, numerous things they service, including AMPLE PARKING and I thought, that's what i need, ample parking, and placed the call to the number on the sign, Anita, who was out to lunch, was my girl!! went to pick up madeline from school as it was tues. early release, and meet with miss Quan the school counselor, to discuss, SAS, classes for the brighter students, which madeline so wants to be in and certainly can handle, as it turned out, school was still in session, and I ended up with miss Quan on my own, while dismissing my days task, temporarily, to walk the halls of JB, and after a chat with miss Quan and our absentee record.. a meeting with Dr. Yoon, who turns out to be assistant principle, who now, not only believes madeline is an excellent student, regardless of absences, but now wants to enroll me in school activities she feels i'm suited for.( btw, i think if one listens closely, whispers run rampant around school, "Theirs a parent on the grounds, Don't let them out!!") posters for an event coming up in june, and to speak on career day, to individual classes about what it is i do.. and btw, she is one hell of a closer!! I will see how i can fit this into my busy schedule. I love school and if i could spend more time there i would, it is by far more challenging with the crew in 2 schools. and their various events, plays, and meetings which each school would love i help with.. shame i'm not rich, i could make such a difference... and off i was once again on my search for parking, and and as i came upon the sign with AMPLE PARKING again i rang Anita back to reach her, and she asked what i needed and she said, come by and sign the contract!! just like that i found a spot.. and better than what id had. for less!!! hahahahaha yes, YES!! and that panic was over..
WED: I set up an appointment at the Mac store in the grove, to start learning everything i needed to know about, my new computer, and at the same time put myself where anyone and everyone spends time, here in town, Apple people for one are a special group, like being on the ground floor of the future, you don't buy a mac book, you buy the community, and everyone there is in the arts, or business, production of music or film.. it is the happening spot, and i have a purpose, to learn the computer inside and out, and meet people of like minds, while still having a one-on-one with a personal coach. and my next appointment, valentines. guess i haven't any better plans. I was working on Up Your Ear Earrings, between checking emails, for my room for rent. and planing a dinner for Bill, my hero!!
Bill was by around 6pm, while visiting we watched a video interview with Root, my mom, filmed by Rita!! a former roomate, and alumni, i'd been waiting this for a long time. I actually have a file in my cabinet, with mail from former roomates , too funny right.. like i'm responsible for their mail.. i've tried "return to sender" but they keep sending anyway..
This was especially great, Rita was the interviewer, and the questions were pretty good, it's hard when ur covering a complicated story, told by a complicated woman.. yet, mom seemed so simple..
I had watched it, once already with madeline, but on this second viewing, i felt her talking to me, about renting rooms, and the stories resignating more at each story, as i embark on my newest inheritance, Land lady.. oh shit!!.. when the phone rang, a follow up call from an e-mail i had received and responded to, about the room, but by the time i reached the phone i'd missed the call..
THURSDAY: my appointment with Jill my writing coach, and at last my mind could go to my story, Cinderella, how close to real life is that, and it was very productive, it is quiet amazing what i can write off the top of my head, in only a few minutes. and i am putting 20 min. aside each day to write that dam story if it's the last thing i do!! one advisor i know, put the nah say, and to not count on anything coming from it as everyone is a writer, actress, singer, what not, and the odds are slim i will find success there, and is that what it's all about anyway, well of coarse, and if one abandons dreams, and hopes, why even get the fuck up in the morning.. love the realistic take on things, but dreaming of true love, or your ambitions, is never worth giving up on even when it makes no sense at all. when it comes to affairs of the heart, nothing makes sense, be it the work you seek or the love, and i feel there is no point in doing things, that take a lot of your time if you don't have an end goal, of future success, in that area. If humans lived by that, would have our forefathers pursued to form a free nation? so pursue your right to happiness!! and if it doesn't make u happy any more, move on.. with grace, and veracity.
and as the day continued, an interview with 2 sisters, new arrivals to Los Angeles, it went well, and they too would get back to me on the room, which they seemed to love, and an hour later, called to take the room, They seem quiet nice, with stars in their eyes, and i love their hopes and dreams, and whilst here, their success.. how appropriate.
And finally FRIDAY: The girls to move in, the phone never stopped while i tried to write a letter, from my heart concerning another matter, in grave need of being addressed. ultimately another letter that i would put into it's folder to never be sent..
I'm reduced to the cowardly loin. Brave on the outside, a mush of confusion and insecurity, on the inside, not the kind of cake i like.. a lunch date with Roseanne, at the grove, or really the farmers market on fairfax. running late, which is so not me.. and a great meeting it was with much discussion of many things, a chat about the other book on the table, for which several will contribute to, but mainly written by Cassie. Roseanne will have a chapter, as will Bill..and an hysterical tid bit about Charlie Sheen, like anyone gives a shit. but we are in Hollywood!! and i gleamed later, the talk of the nation!! oh dear god.. evidently he can out do most people in the drug and alcohol department and still get it "up"! !hahahahaha, oh goodie for him!
And the girls moved in .. and the continuance of: You Can Pay The Rent..
Are you as exhausted as i, what a week, like each day was a month, and while sorting out personal issues, i mention not, of the deepest importance..
what i will conclude of this past week is this, i am guided by a force greater than myself, and as one door closes yet again, like the parking for the motor home, or mabel and mary jane move out, or one moves away from a situation, or relationship, so do other doors open, which are better than what was.. and like graduation, we move up the ladder.. to bigger and better opportunities, even whenst in the moment it doesn't feel that way.. I keep the Faith.. while my friends, like pillars, hold me up till i can once again do so for myself, with gratitude, for those, who were by my side this week, and always, my love..
Andrea and Crew
MONDAY: Rent the Room continued, placed a new add on craigs list.. the prior interviews, the spiritalist, and the producer, found other suitable refuge, i can only imagine, for what is was they were seeking..
monday night i got a call from Merna, the woman in charge of the parking lot, where my coach has been parked, last year and since i returned from my art tour, of this past summer, "the lot is being shut down by the city of L.A. and i must move it immediately", like now.. oh great. it's 7pm dark, i haven't any one to watch the kids, and my van battery is dead, so i can't go there and hook up and move it by myself. BILL, i called, i have an emergency!! and he was by in a flash, off i went to move the MH, i had kept my eyes open for a place to park if anything were to happen like this so i knew where i was going to move it, right by andres school, convenient, safe, and would buy me 12 hours. and likely a ticket.( $68.) 24 hour parking in hollywood, L.A area is nearly impossible to find, it took me the last time 30 days to find the spot i had.
Tuesday: FIND A SPOT TO PARK THE MH. drove the crew to school and started my hunt, I looked at every lot, i had been by last year and called every number on every sign that had potential, and by days end, i found a Sam, and a parking place, in a better place, for less, not much less, but less none the same.. I had never prayed so much, i so didn't want to lose more than a day on this with my week a full schedule, was even spoken to by the angels, as one woman i called told me to ask the angels, to guild me and find the spot, not less than a few hours later, i would drive down a street i hadn't before, at the corner, look up, and read: Prop house, numerous things they service, including AMPLE PARKING and I thought, that's what i need, ample parking, and placed the call to the number on the sign, Anita, who was out to lunch, was my girl!! went to pick up madeline from school as it was tues. early release, and meet with miss Quan the school counselor, to discuss, SAS, classes for the brighter students, which madeline so wants to be in and certainly can handle, as it turned out, school was still in session, and I ended up with miss Quan on my own, while dismissing my days task, temporarily, to walk the halls of JB, and after a chat with miss Quan and our absentee record.. a meeting with Dr. Yoon, who turns out to be assistant principle, who now, not only believes madeline is an excellent student, regardless of absences, but now wants to enroll me in school activities she feels i'm suited for.( btw, i think if one listens closely, whispers run rampant around school, "Theirs a parent on the grounds, Don't let them out!!") posters for an event coming up in june, and to speak on career day, to individual classes about what it is i do.. and btw, she is one hell of a closer!! I will see how i can fit this into my busy schedule. I love school and if i could spend more time there i would, it is by far more challenging with the crew in 2 schools. and their various events, plays, and meetings which each school would love i help with.. shame i'm not rich, i could make such a difference... and off i was once again on my search for parking, and and as i came upon the sign with AMPLE PARKING again i rang Anita back to reach her, and she asked what i needed and she said, come by and sign the contract!! just like that i found a spot.. and better than what id had. for less!!! hahahahaha yes, YES!! and that panic was over..
WED: I set up an appointment at the Mac store in the grove, to start learning everything i needed to know about, my new computer, and at the same time put myself where anyone and everyone spends time, here in town, Apple people for one are a special group, like being on the ground floor of the future, you don't buy a mac book, you buy the community, and everyone there is in the arts, or business, production of music or film.. it is the happening spot, and i have a purpose, to learn the computer inside and out, and meet people of like minds, while still having a one-on-one with a personal coach. and my next appointment, valentines. guess i haven't any better plans. I was working on Up Your Ear Earrings, between checking emails, for my room for rent. and planing a dinner for Bill, my hero!!
Bill was by around 6pm, while visiting we watched a video interview with Root, my mom, filmed by Rita!! a former roomate, and alumni, i'd been waiting this for a long time. I actually have a file in my cabinet, with mail from former roomates , too funny right.. like i'm responsible for their mail.. i've tried "return to sender" but they keep sending anyway..
This was especially great, Rita was the interviewer, and the questions were pretty good, it's hard when ur covering a complicated story, told by a complicated woman.. yet, mom seemed so simple..
I had watched it, once already with madeline, but on this second viewing, i felt her talking to me, about renting rooms, and the stories resignating more at each story, as i embark on my newest inheritance, Land lady.. oh shit!!.. when the phone rang, a follow up call from an e-mail i had received and responded to, about the room, but by the time i reached the phone i'd missed the call..
THURSDAY: my appointment with Jill my writing coach, and at last my mind could go to my story, Cinderella, how close to real life is that, and it was very productive, it is quiet amazing what i can write off the top of my head, in only a few minutes. and i am putting 20 min. aside each day to write that dam story if it's the last thing i do!! one advisor i know, put the nah say, and to not count on anything coming from it as everyone is a writer, actress, singer, what not, and the odds are slim i will find success there, and is that what it's all about anyway, well of coarse, and if one abandons dreams, and hopes, why even get the fuck up in the morning.. love the realistic take on things, but dreaming of true love, or your ambitions, is never worth giving up on even when it makes no sense at all. when it comes to affairs of the heart, nothing makes sense, be it the work you seek or the love, and i feel there is no point in doing things, that take a lot of your time if you don't have an end goal, of future success, in that area. If humans lived by that, would have our forefathers pursued to form a free nation? so pursue your right to happiness!! and if it doesn't make u happy any more, move on.. with grace, and veracity.
and as the day continued, an interview with 2 sisters, new arrivals to Los Angeles, it went well, and they too would get back to me on the room, which they seemed to love, and an hour later, called to take the room, They seem quiet nice, with stars in their eyes, and i love their hopes and dreams, and whilst here, their success.. how appropriate.
And finally FRIDAY: The girls to move in, the phone never stopped while i tried to write a letter, from my heart concerning another matter, in grave need of being addressed. ultimately another letter that i would put into it's folder to never be sent..
I'm reduced to the cowardly loin. Brave on the outside, a mush of confusion and insecurity, on the inside, not the kind of cake i like.. a lunch date with Roseanne, at the grove, or really the farmers market on fairfax. running late, which is so not me.. and a great meeting it was with much discussion of many things, a chat about the other book on the table, for which several will contribute to, but mainly written by Cassie. Roseanne will have a chapter, as will Bill..and an hysterical tid bit about Charlie Sheen, like anyone gives a shit. but we are in Hollywood!! and i gleamed later, the talk of the nation!! oh dear god.. evidently he can out do most people in the drug and alcohol department and still get it "up"! !hahahahaha, oh goodie for him!
And the girls moved in .. and the continuance of: You Can Pay The Rent..
Are you as exhausted as i, what a week, like each day was a month, and while sorting out personal issues, i mention not, of the deepest importance..
what i will conclude of this past week is this, i am guided by a force greater than myself, and as one door closes yet again, like the parking for the motor home, or mabel and mary jane move out, or one moves away from a situation, or relationship, so do other doors open, which are better than what was.. and like graduation, we move up the ladder.. to bigger and better opportunities, even whenst in the moment it doesn't feel that way.. I keep the Faith.. while my friends, like pillars, hold me up till i can once again do so for myself, with gratitude, for those, who were by my side this week, and always, my love..
Andrea and Crew
Monday, 31 January 2011
as the world turns
I embark again, down the road of uncertainty, as do we all, wondering if we are making right choices, who knows really, as i gaze out side my window, the streets completely dry, after a full days rain.
i should start again, with i was up at 4 am.. yes u read that right.. and off in 20 min. i'm down the stairs with my first of three trips down the 2 flights of stairs, i dread!! but i'm there..
i go to move the van so that next trip i can access the the side slide door, and of all things, it won't start.. is that too much... in the dark of the pre dawn threw my hands in the air and so be it.. this can not be happening and there is absolutely nothing i can do, at this hour..
i resided to that, returned to the apt, my room, and tucked in fully dressed, bra and all.. i slowly in the incredible chill of the morn, kept getting up to remove one uncomfortable garment after the other.. till i was finaly comfortable.. if i could shut my mind off. i did, and slept till nearly 10am, woke like i'd been catapulted into reality, oh god Bill is coming, and my day began, to what totally through me,
R-A-I-N oh no.. and the van didn't start this morn.. oh if god doen't love me.. i could have been standing out in the rain for no money.. and been cold all day, with this wicked cold i have, for nothing.. oh thank you god, and the universe that the car didn't start this morn..
gave me time to attend some personal matters, which i will likely be less popular, how could anyone be less popular than being disowned by one's own parents, maybe not.. tonight i was reminded of how little i say, when i've been hurt, I really see no point in getting all pissed off, it isn't a very nice result of being hurt. and it gets u absolutely nothing u want. I just assume put it out there, say what's mostly on my mind, which is funny because that's probably my failure in communication, the thoughts omitted... i know that seems odd for one as open as i seem to be, but the key words here is "seems to be".. the fear of saying something that i might regret, keeps me reserved. I kinda wish i could just blurt out things, like the day i fired Madeline, fortunately she did resume working for me!! but having had that experience, not go too well, i take care in saying whatever is on my mind, and often have thought long and hard before tackling anything of true importance. that being said i do hope to have not lost my popularity, but on the other hand, oh well....
for instance it was 2 months in deciding what to do with my, now former room mates, as lovely as they were it was becoming too much, they had too many issues, which spilled over into our lives, and i just felt it was not healthy for any of us.. so they are off to their adventure in life, and we ours, as i rent the room.. Thanks mom, what a heritage, and my grandmother Augusta, bless them them both.. and i truly can not believe i'm doing the same.. this is nuts.. but it is what it is, and i need the money..
First interview was with a lebanese woman, she was pleasant, nice looking woman, with a spiritual out look on things.. that was nice, she works at home, so i'm not too sure about that, and she wants month to month, that works for me, with a 10 day notice, we can call the whole thing off, i also stipulated that the deposit is refunded minus $100. for cleaning.. i do not clean for free, as i just did today..
interview #2 just great, fab girl, studying production, for film.. lots of energy, both madeline and i liked her a lot, now i sit like a girl with the phone waiting for it to ring, and i thought those days were over. dam as a single girl, guess that's not gonna happen.. not that technically i'm waiting for the phone to ring. it rings all day long, with one collection agency after another, as i pick it up in hopes it's someone i would want to here from.. and i hit the Ignore button once more!!
This became a different kind of work day.. rent the room day, lets just see what pans out..
and the world keeps turning.. my focus strong, and good, my attitude fluctuates from ecstatic to confused on a personal level, work wise, things seem to be coming my way in droves, just waiting for the money to follow..
and the song goes .. any day now
so be well dear readers, I am hopeful things are turning around, as does the earth.. one day at a time...
andrea and crew
i should start again, with i was up at 4 am.. yes u read that right.. and off in 20 min. i'm down the stairs with my first of three trips down the 2 flights of stairs, i dread!! but i'm there..
i go to move the van so that next trip i can access the the side slide door, and of all things, it won't start.. is that too much... in the dark of the pre dawn threw my hands in the air and so be it.. this can not be happening and there is absolutely nothing i can do, at this hour..
i resided to that, returned to the apt, my room, and tucked in fully dressed, bra and all.. i slowly in the incredible chill of the morn, kept getting up to remove one uncomfortable garment after the other.. till i was finaly comfortable.. if i could shut my mind off. i did, and slept till nearly 10am, woke like i'd been catapulted into reality, oh god Bill is coming, and my day began, to what totally through me,
R-A-I-N oh no.. and the van didn't start this morn.. oh if god doen't love me.. i could have been standing out in the rain for no money.. and been cold all day, with this wicked cold i have, for nothing.. oh thank you god, and the universe that the car didn't start this morn..
gave me time to attend some personal matters, which i will likely be less popular, how could anyone be less popular than being disowned by one's own parents, maybe not.. tonight i was reminded of how little i say, when i've been hurt, I really see no point in getting all pissed off, it isn't a very nice result of being hurt. and it gets u absolutely nothing u want. I just assume put it out there, say what's mostly on my mind, which is funny because that's probably my failure in communication, the thoughts omitted... i know that seems odd for one as open as i seem to be, but the key words here is "seems to be".. the fear of saying something that i might regret, keeps me reserved. I kinda wish i could just blurt out things, like the day i fired Madeline, fortunately she did resume working for me!! but having had that experience, not go too well, i take care in saying whatever is on my mind, and often have thought long and hard before tackling anything of true importance. that being said i do hope to have not lost my popularity, but on the other hand, oh well....
for instance it was 2 months in deciding what to do with my, now former room mates, as lovely as they were it was becoming too much, they had too many issues, which spilled over into our lives, and i just felt it was not healthy for any of us.. so they are off to their adventure in life, and we ours, as i rent the room.. Thanks mom, what a heritage, and my grandmother Augusta, bless them them both.. and i truly can not believe i'm doing the same.. this is nuts.. but it is what it is, and i need the money..
First interview was with a lebanese woman, she was pleasant, nice looking woman, with a spiritual out look on things.. that was nice, she works at home, so i'm not too sure about that, and she wants month to month, that works for me, with a 10 day notice, we can call the whole thing off, i also stipulated that the deposit is refunded minus $100. for cleaning.. i do not clean for free, as i just did today..
interview #2 just great, fab girl, studying production, for film.. lots of energy, both madeline and i liked her a lot, now i sit like a girl with the phone waiting for it to ring, and i thought those days were over. dam as a single girl, guess that's not gonna happen.. not that technically i'm waiting for the phone to ring. it rings all day long, with one collection agency after another, as i pick it up in hopes it's someone i would want to here from.. and i hit the Ignore button once more!!
This became a different kind of work day.. rent the room day, lets just see what pans out..
and the world keeps turning.. my focus strong, and good, my attitude fluctuates from ecstatic to confused on a personal level, work wise, things seem to be coming my way in droves, just waiting for the money to follow..
and the song goes .. any day now
so be well dear readers, I am hopeful things are turning around, as does the earth.. one day at a time...
andrea and crew
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