I embark again, down the road of uncertainty, as do we all, wondering if we are making right choices, who knows really, as i gaze out side my window, the streets completely dry, after a full days rain.
i should start again, with i was up at 4 am.. yes u read that right.. and off in 20 min. i'm down the stairs with my first of three trips down the 2 flights of stairs, i dread!! but i'm there..
i go to move the van so that next trip i can access the the side slide door, and of all things, it won't start.. is that too much... in the dark of the pre dawn threw my hands in the air and so be it.. this can not be happening and there is absolutely nothing i can do, at this hour..
i resided to that, returned to the apt, my room, and tucked in fully dressed, bra and all.. i slowly in the incredible chill of the morn, kept getting up to remove one uncomfortable garment after the other.. till i was finaly comfortable.. if i could shut my mind off. i did, and slept till nearly 10am, woke like i'd been catapulted into reality, oh god Bill is coming, and my day began, to what totally through me,
R-A-I-N oh no.. and the van didn't start this morn.. oh if god doen't love me.. i could have been standing out in the rain for no money.. and been cold all day, with this wicked cold i have, for nothing.. oh thank you god, and the universe that the car didn't start this morn..
gave me time to attend some personal matters, which i will likely be less popular, how could anyone be less popular than being disowned by one's own parents, maybe not.. tonight i was reminded of how little i say, when i've been hurt, I really see no point in getting all pissed off, it isn't a very nice result of being hurt. and it gets u absolutely nothing u want. I just assume put it out there, say what's mostly on my mind, which is funny because that's probably my failure in communication, the thoughts omitted... i know that seems odd for one as open as i seem to be, but the key words here is "seems to be".. the fear of saying something that i might regret, keeps me reserved. I kinda wish i could just blurt out things, like the day i fired Madeline, fortunately she did resume working for me!! but having had that experience, not go too well, i take care in saying whatever is on my mind, and often have thought long and hard before tackling anything of true importance. that being said i do hope to have not lost my popularity, but on the other hand, oh well....
for instance it was 2 months in deciding what to do with my, now former room mates, as lovely as they were it was becoming too much, they had too many issues, which spilled over into our lives, and i just felt it was not healthy for any of us.. so they are off to their adventure in life, and we ours, as i rent the room.. Thanks mom, what a heritage, and my grandmother Augusta, bless them them both.. and i truly can not believe i'm doing the same.. this is nuts.. but it is what it is, and i need the money..
First interview was with a lebanese woman, she was pleasant, nice looking woman, with a spiritual out look on things.. that was nice, she works at home, so i'm not too sure about that, and she wants month to month, that works for me, with a 10 day notice, we can call the whole thing off, i also stipulated that the deposit is refunded minus $100. for cleaning.. i do not clean for free, as i just did today..
interview #2 just great, fab girl, studying production, for film.. lots of energy, both madeline and i liked her a lot, now i sit like a girl with the phone waiting for it to ring, and i thought those days were over. dam as a single girl, guess that's not gonna happen.. not that technically i'm waiting for the phone to ring. it rings all day long, with one collection agency after another, as i pick it up in hopes it's someone i would want to here from.. and i hit the Ignore button once more!!
This became a different kind of work day.. rent the room day, lets just see what pans out..
and the world keeps turning.. my focus strong, and good, my attitude fluctuates from ecstatic to confused on a personal level, work wise, things seem to be coming my way in droves, just waiting for the money to follow..
and the song goes .. any day now
so be well dear readers, I am hopeful things are turning around, as does the earth.. one day at a time...
andrea and crew
Monday, 31 January 2011
Monday, 24 January 2011
let me add this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs
i think this says a lot, and no ones grows up to give up..
thanks madeline and andres
inspiration
i think this says a lot, and no ones grows up to give up..
thanks madeline and andres
inspiration
Sam, I Am . . .
i wanted to share with you a little something, a tid bit of what happens, when u travel, be it from ur house to the grocery store or across the nation, be it by foot, by car, by motor home, plain or train, something happens, when ur ears are like antenias ready to recieve.
I found that to be true when we were on our flight back from florida, i hadn't any expectations, as it turned out, as always a most enlightening trip, one of the most profound.. ah i light the forbidden, tobacco, as i write, so now i swear, and i smoke, lets just judge me.. i think i'll just enjoy it, fuck it!! what the hell.. oh too funny.. what ever..
so back to the trip, lets start with, at the gate, after an unexpected delay with my carry on, to the flight,checking to see if i was carrying explosives, seriously, i got to the gate a little close to close, and they wouldnt let me bring my reserved bag aboard, i was "either the bag and i board together or i'm not boarding. while the crew stands guard, my carry on.. i was then informed i was forgoing our seats, and could take another flight, the following day.. i said in no uncertain terms, i will not be spending another dime, on the side lines a woman standing not far from madeline says, she can sue the airlines if she paid for the bag.. next thing u know there is the supervisor, and there's a space for my bag, we board, my confused crew and i sit and take off that fast..
and off to atlanta.. where the lay over is so long one might smoke a half a pack in boredom, as well as the fear of a five hour flight without a smoke.. what a dilemma. an insidious addiction, that those not in the club, past or present, could not understand..
So Journes, the only place to smoke, grab a bite, and a beer, concord D .. for those that need to know.. we the crew and i go, a snack, and time to kill.. a view of the airplanes, and a table to sit at.. and people to meet. and so walked in Sam, east indian, i looked up and to myself i said wow, who is he, and before i knew it we were in conversation. where are u coming from, and where are u going, and why, what do u do? Sam, as we chatted, we invited him to sit.. traveling with a soft ware co. on his way from chicago to new jersey.. before u know it i was in deep conversation with Sam, as he introduced himself to the crew, and to Andres, Sam I am.. 40,married, and a not a parent. Sam i am.. hum..
My conversation with a perfect stranger, became the culmination of my entire trip..everything that i had focused on, with 100% attention i brought up, from business, financial, to incorporate, and what was my best option, to my personal life, there wasn't a thing he said not to go for, that we are not promised tomorrow, that we should do today, and not put off till tomorrow.. thats a big message to one who preaches that..
he explained some things to me, about the spiritual, that we acquire good deeds, conversations, with "god", what ever it is u believe, and as u communicate frequently with the universe, u stock up good, and evidently i have stocked up a lot of good, and i wont be over drawn in that account!! but i will be mindful, and frugal in this i spend. there is nothing more valuable than your reputation, once lost you lose everything, paraphrased Ben Franklin..
so with that said, i carry on.. with the best of intentions, do right when all possible, and mean well.. and to strive in that direction always..
AND THANKS SAM, SAM I AM.. FOR BEING THE messenger..
Andrea and crew
I found that to be true when we were on our flight back from florida, i hadn't any expectations, as it turned out, as always a most enlightening trip, one of the most profound.. ah i light the forbidden, tobacco, as i write, so now i swear, and i smoke, lets just judge me.. i think i'll just enjoy it, fuck it!! what the hell.. oh too funny.. what ever..
so back to the trip, lets start with, at the gate, after an unexpected delay with my carry on, to the flight,checking to see if i was carrying explosives, seriously, i got to the gate a little close to close, and they wouldnt let me bring my reserved bag aboard, i was "either the bag and i board together or i'm not boarding. while the crew stands guard, my carry on.. i was then informed i was forgoing our seats, and could take another flight, the following day.. i said in no uncertain terms, i will not be spending another dime, on the side lines a woman standing not far from madeline says, she can sue the airlines if she paid for the bag.. next thing u know there is the supervisor, and there's a space for my bag, we board, my confused crew and i sit and take off that fast..
and off to atlanta.. where the lay over is so long one might smoke a half a pack in boredom, as well as the fear of a five hour flight without a smoke.. what a dilemma. an insidious addiction, that those not in the club, past or present, could not understand..
So Journes, the only place to smoke, grab a bite, and a beer, concord D .. for those that need to know.. we the crew and i go, a snack, and time to kill.. a view of the airplanes, and a table to sit at.. and people to meet. and so walked in Sam, east indian, i looked up and to myself i said wow, who is he, and before i knew it we were in conversation. where are u coming from, and where are u going, and why, what do u do? Sam, as we chatted, we invited him to sit.. traveling with a soft ware co. on his way from chicago to new jersey.. before u know it i was in deep conversation with Sam, as he introduced himself to the crew, and to Andres, Sam I am.. 40,married, and a not a parent. Sam i am.. hum..
My conversation with a perfect stranger, became the culmination of my entire trip..everything that i had focused on, with 100% attention i brought up, from business, financial, to incorporate, and what was my best option, to my personal life, there wasn't a thing he said not to go for, that we are not promised tomorrow, that we should do today, and not put off till tomorrow.. thats a big message to one who preaches that..
he explained some things to me, about the spiritual, that we acquire good deeds, conversations, with "god", what ever it is u believe, and as u communicate frequently with the universe, u stock up good, and evidently i have stocked up a lot of good, and i wont be over drawn in that account!! but i will be mindful, and frugal in this i spend. there is nothing more valuable than your reputation, once lost you lose everything, paraphrased Ben Franklin..
so with that said, i carry on.. with the best of intentions, do right when all possible, and mean well.. and to strive in that direction always..
AND THANKS SAM, SAM I AM.. FOR BEING THE messenger..
Andrea and crew
Saturday, 22 January 2011
I want to catch up with what happened over the last days of my stay in florida, and trying to back track nearly twenty days seems like a lot. frankly so much happens in one day, it would be nearly impossible, so i'm gonna try to condense..as ignore the third call from a collection agency.. this morn since 5:11 am who needs an alarm..
I came to the conclusion yesterday that when we are all flush and a good credit risk, we are considered good people, by those same creditors, when life takes a turn, and money isn't flowing we become, horrible people and all your good efforts completely forgotten. why is it they don't look back at your entire history and see that over a much longer time, I was a good customer paying always on time and the minute shit happens and your late or worse can not pay right now, you become scum. I certainly know that that is not it.. but you tell that to the banks. rather than have my blood boil, my stomach reel, i choose to ignore, it's the only way for now.. any discussion i have with them falls on deaf ears, and when i get things all straightened out and money starts flowing i will joyfully repay them all, after i pay myself..
Weekend before last I didn't work, was on standby for a show, which might have been very good but as I had many other things to attend to, like put papers together for the IRS, I didn't even attempt to work, work. I instead met with people that might be able to represent me in this matter, only to find that everyone sees u coming and wants huge sums of money to do so.. well that's not gonna happen, but what I got out of it is this, when u get a free consultation, and ur broke as shit, take fucking notes and use ur own brain!! through out this trip I was given lots of good information, and as I put these pieces together, i will be able to take these pieces of info and use them for myself, i am sadly consumed with all this which has prevented me from creating actual cash flow, due to the amount of time i've spent trying to put 2008, and next 2009 papers together for the IRS, this has prevented me from actually making money, now, or what it takes to book shows or other opportunities for the near future.
I'll pick that up in a moment.. the following week while sleeping at a hotel in lauderdale by the sea, I had a great room, with a balcony, and in the evenings would sit out in the cool night air to hear the sea, brush against the sand, the first night, the erie glow of the lights, shown upon a tree, a frangipani tree, without the lovely blooms of spring, where two doves cuddled, blending into the tree branches so well at first I didn't think they were real, until one blinked at me!! and every morning for 5 days I would get up to the sound of the changing sea, no 2 days the same, like life!! one day the sea crashing, the next a smooth waves rubbing the sand surface.. I really couldn't afford this but couldn't be trapped in the house, where my ex-husband lives now, once ours. I prepared for the last show of this trip, Art Deco, the hoped that this would be the money maker of the trip and why I stayed on an extra week. I would have never done so had the potential, and past exhibits there not been so great. I was so looking forward to this last show, for so many reasons, more friends to visit with, share the last of the trip with, cultivate newer relationships, which have come to be more prominent.
Art Deco, like so many other shows has slipped into oblivion, this sucks, I had the time of my life, my friends the royal family turned out to have a space right next to mine, I was not expecting that, but god does work in mysterious ways, and i'm not going to question why it was so, but that in being so, meant to be.. If I laughed once, I must of laughed a million times as we shared our thoughts and observations, Marcy had me in stitches, when she came over and announced that the fashion police needed to be called in immediately, and that fines starting at $40, needed to be issued!! had it been that we were all busier I assure u we would have not noticed all this, but as we were not, had plenty of time to laugh at the sights of out outrageously dressed men and woman.
I should tell u, friday night when I wrapped up the booth, had booked a hotel 4 miles away, who knew this would be like so incredibly far, and as i drove there, kept saying to myself, self, this is not what I had in mind, by the time I got to this motel, it was in north beach, far from everything, in the dark, as I walked in, to check in, this huge Argentinian young man, said well this might be better than u think, you have the pent house room, on the forth floor over looking the ocean, oh wow, just great, went back out to get my luggage and my bag, and the computer, ugg all heavy, wouldn't it be nice to have a man about now!!
So I get to the elevator and discover a sign on the door that says!!!! ..... temporarily OUT OF ORDER, well being as i'm am only there temporarily, that was no good and up I drag all this heavy stuff up the four flights of stairs, by the time I got up and went into the room I was sure this is not where I was to be.. got on line called Hotels.com, and heard my voice say, in nearly tears, " PLEASE DONT MAKE ME STAY HERE!!!" oh god, before u know it they rebooked me a room in the Starlite hotel, right on south beach, a half a block from my booth, and back I drove to the deco drive!! I found the, the parking space, and brought my things up stairs to a divine room, and went down stairs, befriended the bartender and bought myself a ridiculously expensive rum and coke, had to admit though it was the best i'd ever had..when I went to my room I couldn't turn my brain off, for all the things, swirling through, personal, business... and how I should proceed with all these things.. it was 3am before I forced my brain into sleep. and up i was, the next day to the lovely blue skies of miami, and south beach, still a happening place. with people from all the nation gathering there for various reasons.
Mine was to sell Up Your Ear Earrings, and that fell short of my hopes, and as it turned out the sleazy competition, I had battled the years, and the month there, turned out to be there, and I didn't find out till sunday night. having seen at least 50 pairs of their earrings, on others that was not good.. and my expensive space would become unpaid for..my beloved partner, would know this, and because of him, open to these others, for his connection to them, relatives, would be shorted income also, and as though this were all on me, was disappointed when I called him on it. and after a weekend of bragging on him, left me heart broken. again. My only alternative, like in the past is to move in a new direction, selling in this fashion is over folks, and now is the time to try new things, don't change what u r doing, just how u r doing it. we are not in the position to change our product line, but how we sell, or where. so that is what i am doing, and as one door closes so do the opportunities to bigger and better avenues, arise. and I am sure my ideas are the best yet. I know now where I am going and what I am doing, to some degree. still looking for financial backing so if their are any readers out their willing to take a risk, as I do daily let me know!!
Like business, love and life, everything is a risk, one never knows, what the out come will be, but one steps into things, and we never know what will happen, we can think, with some assurance that we know, but we don't. But the gamble has a lot better odds than vegas. so lets roll the dice on ourselves.. and leave the universe to guide us.. one day at a time.
Andrea
my crew, at last together again.. in L.A.
I came to the conclusion yesterday that when we are all flush and a good credit risk, we are considered good people, by those same creditors, when life takes a turn, and money isn't flowing we become, horrible people and all your good efforts completely forgotten. why is it they don't look back at your entire history and see that over a much longer time, I was a good customer paying always on time and the minute shit happens and your late or worse can not pay right now, you become scum. I certainly know that that is not it.. but you tell that to the banks. rather than have my blood boil, my stomach reel, i choose to ignore, it's the only way for now.. any discussion i have with them falls on deaf ears, and when i get things all straightened out and money starts flowing i will joyfully repay them all, after i pay myself..
Weekend before last I didn't work, was on standby for a show, which might have been very good but as I had many other things to attend to, like put papers together for the IRS, I didn't even attempt to work, work. I instead met with people that might be able to represent me in this matter, only to find that everyone sees u coming and wants huge sums of money to do so.. well that's not gonna happen, but what I got out of it is this, when u get a free consultation, and ur broke as shit, take fucking notes and use ur own brain!! through out this trip I was given lots of good information, and as I put these pieces together, i will be able to take these pieces of info and use them for myself, i am sadly consumed with all this which has prevented me from creating actual cash flow, due to the amount of time i've spent trying to put 2008, and next 2009 papers together for the IRS, this has prevented me from actually making money, now, or what it takes to book shows or other opportunities for the near future.
I'll pick that up in a moment.. the following week while sleeping at a hotel in lauderdale by the sea, I had a great room, with a balcony, and in the evenings would sit out in the cool night air to hear the sea, brush against the sand, the first night, the erie glow of the lights, shown upon a tree, a frangipani tree, without the lovely blooms of spring, where two doves cuddled, blending into the tree branches so well at first I didn't think they were real, until one blinked at me!! and every morning for 5 days I would get up to the sound of the changing sea, no 2 days the same, like life!! one day the sea crashing, the next a smooth waves rubbing the sand surface.. I really couldn't afford this but couldn't be trapped in the house, where my ex-husband lives now, once ours. I prepared for the last show of this trip, Art Deco, the hoped that this would be the money maker of the trip and why I stayed on an extra week. I would have never done so had the potential, and past exhibits there not been so great. I was so looking forward to this last show, for so many reasons, more friends to visit with, share the last of the trip with, cultivate newer relationships, which have come to be more prominent.
Art Deco, like so many other shows has slipped into oblivion, this sucks, I had the time of my life, my friends the royal family turned out to have a space right next to mine, I was not expecting that, but god does work in mysterious ways, and i'm not going to question why it was so, but that in being so, meant to be.. If I laughed once, I must of laughed a million times as we shared our thoughts and observations, Marcy had me in stitches, when she came over and announced that the fashion police needed to be called in immediately, and that fines starting at $40, needed to be issued!! had it been that we were all busier I assure u we would have not noticed all this, but as we were not, had plenty of time to laugh at the sights of out outrageously dressed men and woman.
I should tell u, friday night when I wrapped up the booth, had booked a hotel 4 miles away, who knew this would be like so incredibly far, and as i drove there, kept saying to myself, self, this is not what I had in mind, by the time I got to this motel, it was in north beach, far from everything, in the dark, as I walked in, to check in, this huge Argentinian young man, said well this might be better than u think, you have the pent house room, on the forth floor over looking the ocean, oh wow, just great, went back out to get my luggage and my bag, and the computer, ugg all heavy, wouldn't it be nice to have a man about now!!
So I get to the elevator and discover a sign on the door that says!!!! ..... temporarily OUT OF ORDER, well being as i'm am only there temporarily, that was no good and up I drag all this heavy stuff up the four flights of stairs, by the time I got up and went into the room I was sure this is not where I was to be.. got on line called Hotels.com, and heard my voice say, in nearly tears, " PLEASE DONT MAKE ME STAY HERE!!!" oh god, before u know it they rebooked me a room in the Starlite hotel, right on south beach, a half a block from my booth, and back I drove to the deco drive!! I found the, the parking space, and brought my things up stairs to a divine room, and went down stairs, befriended the bartender and bought myself a ridiculously expensive rum and coke, had to admit though it was the best i'd ever had..when I went to my room I couldn't turn my brain off, for all the things, swirling through, personal, business... and how I should proceed with all these things.. it was 3am before I forced my brain into sleep. and up i was, the next day to the lovely blue skies of miami, and south beach, still a happening place. with people from all the nation gathering there for various reasons.
Mine was to sell Up Your Ear Earrings, and that fell short of my hopes, and as it turned out the sleazy competition, I had battled the years, and the month there, turned out to be there, and I didn't find out till sunday night. having seen at least 50 pairs of their earrings, on others that was not good.. and my expensive space would become unpaid for..my beloved partner, would know this, and because of him, open to these others, for his connection to them, relatives, would be shorted income also, and as though this were all on me, was disappointed when I called him on it. and after a weekend of bragging on him, left me heart broken. again. My only alternative, like in the past is to move in a new direction, selling in this fashion is over folks, and now is the time to try new things, don't change what u r doing, just how u r doing it. we are not in the position to change our product line, but how we sell, or where. so that is what i am doing, and as one door closes so do the opportunities to bigger and better avenues, arise. and I am sure my ideas are the best yet. I know now where I am going and what I am doing, to some degree. still looking for financial backing so if their are any readers out their willing to take a risk, as I do daily let me know!!
Like business, love and life, everything is a risk, one never knows, what the out come will be, but one steps into things, and we never know what will happen, we can think, with some assurance that we know, but we don't. But the gamble has a lot better odds than vegas. so lets roll the dice on ourselves.. and leave the universe to guide us.. one day at a time.
Andrea
my crew, at last together again.. in L.A.
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